Month: May 2017

Distillation (2)

In my last post I wrote about distillation and the kernels of character knowledge that come out of that process.  I started my retirement journey with a general interest in poverty issues and the political and economic implications of it and have been exploring avenues and relationships that catch my attention.  It feels intentional and yet feels like an adventure.  To some degree I’m following a quote I heard recently that resonated.  It was “if you’re the smartest guy in the room, you’re in the wrong room”.  I like that.

Last summer I began volunteering with a non-profit organization called Christians Against Poverty.  It’s an organization that provides debt coaching and financial literacy training in partnership with local churches.  I think it is a great model in that it gives churches a practical way to walk alongside people that are struggling with debt or money management issues and a level of professional support to stick with them even through the really tough stuff like bankruptcy.  Initially my role was that of money coach delivering the money course that my local church was offering but eventually I got involved as a one day a week volunteer at the CAP head office.  My goal was to get to know the organization better and find a place to fit in.

I also began volunteering with Indwell, a non-profit organization that develops affordable housing.  Their area of focus is people that struggle with mental health issues.  The theme of hope and homes really resonates with me.  That and the fact that my brother works for Indwell and loves it, and Debbie and I have been supporting the organization for years.  It also felt like a good fit because I have a lot of years of high level project management experience, there is an element of politics in getting housing projects approved, and I’ve had experience owning a multi-unit residence that we operated and rented to an organization that supports people with developmental handicaps.  So I’ve had a bit of exposure to the sector.

I have been reminded along the way that it is a journey.  I’m becoming more and more excited by the adventure, the fact that there are lots of opportunities and I do not have to resign myself to just choosing one path.  I am getting involved in small projects at Indwell, building relationships with politicians and leaders in the social housing sector, and working on the second of 5 courses toward my registration as a Real Estate agent (did not see that coming).  I still have no idea where I might end up but I am becoming less concerned about the destination.  And I’m OK with that.  It makes me trust more and continue to look for the subtle whispers of the Spirit that might prompt a move in one direction or the other.  And I’ve had some great conversations with a lot of smart people.

Distillation

Once again it has been a number of weeks since my last post and I wonder where the time goes.  It’s almost bewildering.  One of the things I expected when I retired was that I would have all kinds of time to pursue all of my whims, hours well wasted in the garage tinkering with tools, afternoons spent on the streets of Hamilton listening to, and writing the stories I encountered, renovation projects put off far too long that I would be able to finally get to, hours spent wandering the back roads on my motorcycle “livin the dream”.  And on and on.  That has not been the case and I’ve found myself often frustrated.  Not that I haven’t been able to do some of those things but that it seems the list of things I have not done is longer than the list of things I have.

When I take a few minutes to reflect on why it is that I feel more rushed and disorganized now than I did when I was working, a couple of things come to mind.  When I was working I had my job to give me a feeling of validation.  I could justify my existence every day because, well, I was at work.  When that structure was gone it was as if my life had gone off the rails and, without the job to give me a sense of purpose and direction, and the desire to have purpose every bit as strong, I found myself going off in all kinds of directions.  It’s an interesting state to be in and one that requires me to give myself a lot of grace.  Something I’m not particularly good at.

One of the things I thought I would be doing much more of is writing.  I left my job with a head full of things that I wanted to write about and it was as if it all evaporated when I finally had the chance to sit down.  When I look back on the past few months the best way to describe what I have been experiencing is a process of distillation.  I try things and realize that they are not quite what I imagined.  Or maybe fun for a while and the novelty wears off.  And, as is the case in the distillation process, I find that sometimes when the water is boiled off, I’m left with a kernel of something that I can set aside as an area of study or interest I can pursue.  It’s not unlike a crucible where impurities are burned off in order to get to the pure metal.  It’s hard.  Mostly because there are so many distractions along the way and so much uncharted territory to explore that rather than looking for things to do, I find myself overwhelmed by all the things there are to do.  The reason for the gap in blogs is because I never seem to complete a thought so the writing tends to be incoherent at times.

I am trying to get better at is writing in the midst of the mess, so here I go again.  Over the next few weeks I will try and share some of the kernels that have come out of the distillation process.